Latest CT results

It’s that time again, time for another CT scan! I went last week to get my CT scan, and for some reason this time I’ve been really scared of the results. I am always scared when it comes time for the results. This time, they didn’t do a scan of my head, which I am very unhappy about. With 2 2″ brain tumors developing in a matter of a couple of weeks of one another, I want a CT done and I want to know the results. I hate waiting. I’ve never liked to wait. Not on something this serious, but whatever.
I went and saw Dr. Shertz today to talk about my CT results. Everything still looks good according to imaging, the tumors are still stable, no new growth and no new tumors. My shoulder and side is hurting, I don’t know why but Dr. Shertz wasn’t really concerned with it, being that imaging was fine. I go back in January for my next set of scans, lab work, and office visit. At least I don’t have to worry about it between now and until after Christmas. I hope everyone is doing good, and gearing up for Halloween. If you know me, you know my favorite holiday of the year, is Black Friday. Even if I can’t get anything, I still like being out in all of the rush. It’s just fun. Ads are already out for Black Friday and I am excited about it. Hmm, let’s see, what else is new.. Amanda has the H1N1 flu right now, and hasn’t been feeling great. Dr. Sadaat at Smith Mountain Lake Family Practice (our family doctor) has given all of us Tamiflu to help us from getting it. I did discuss this with Dr. Shertz today, and he said that since I’ve been of chemo for a year that my bodys immune system is back to normal and if I get sick, I’ll be as sick as the rest of the general population.

I went to the UNC vs. Florida State game last week. It was a great game, and we were kicking butt up until the second half, when FSU came back and won 30-27. Oh well. We come to Blacksburg Thursday to take on the Hokies. I highly doubt we’ll be able to pull it off but who knows. As bad as we get beat sometimes, we do have one of the best defenses in the country! For all of you people who like to pick on me for being a Tar Heel, that’s okay. Basketball season is about to begin so guess what, it’s MY turn! My Tar Heels always make me proud in basketball. After all, we ARE the 2009 National Champions!.. Let’s just hope we can keep our strength this year. 🙂 That’s about all I have to say, but I am going to end this post with something from one of my very good friends, Brooke. These are her words of wisdom and I always looked up to her. Brooke, I love you and I miss you so much. I’m so thankful you’re out of your pain

BROOKE – Star City Roller Derby terror called GRRRR now skates in heaven 🙂

“Well Life’s always been crazy for me, but recently “shat” has definitely hit the fan…I believe God wants the best for me…I believe life’s not always fair and I certainly believe you can always make the best out of what’s handed to you and you create your situations..

This is my story and things you most likely didn’t know about me…I want everyone in my life to know…beware this is a long one.

My life’s always been pretty dang good…growing up I had two awesome parents I looked up to and always were there for me and did everything for me. A big family that were all hero’s to me and I loved very much…I played sports, went to a small Christian school had good friends growing up and went to church every weekend since I could remember…I was always a little dorky and never that smart, but hell I loved life!!! Everything was brilliant and innocent…I felt like I could do anything I put my mind to! EVEN FLY (when I was a youngin)!!

As I got older things got more confusing…I learned my parents weren’t perfect…the church had more problems than I thought was allowed…I wasn’t good enough for my friends I grew up with they eventually disappeared…I learned my “magic cape” would never make me fly…and I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin anymore…sure as hell couldn’t ever win a spelling bee much less get an A on my tests :op…I was lost…hurt, confused, frustrated wanting things to be back how they were…”perfect”.

As I grew into a blossoming young teenage lady I then figured I’d take control of what I didn’t understand and make my own reality…I thought I was so flippin smart!!!! GOD was I mistaken. Now, I am not gonna go totally into it, but I did some dumb a$$ ish …I am surprised I came out ok haha! I thought the dumbest people were cool…I thought smoking pot, and drinking made me an independent adult…Sex was this new cool toy I could play with and no consequences would ever come from it…I was a not so good person to say the least. I disobeyed everything I had learned and fought with my parents everyday it seemed…nothing was good!

I hated who I had become and thought my life was OVER! I wasted a lot of time and hurt a lot of people…honestly, I was searching so hard for the answers of life, I forgot what life was all about………simply just loving myself and life for what it is…relying on God to do what was best for me.
I had life going how I wanted it to for the past year…I started working towards a career I was loving…I was in love…I had good friends…roller derby…a nice car…healthy…I felt pretty and smart…I must admit I didn’t put trust in God…I didn’t have faith he’d do what was best for me…so I made all my own decisions and put faith in only myself…seeing a pattern yet? Yea…I am a stubborn hard head! If ya didn’t know that already ;o) I made some stupid decisions…I started trying to find God again when I realized I was lost and sad without him.

My life has now come to a screeching halt…I was diagnosed with cancer this past year and they can’t cure it. I have hundreds of little tumors in each one of my lungs… in my back and breast.. It’s the rarest of the rare. Only .6% percent of cancer patients have had it meaning there haven’t been enough studies on it for a cure and no treatments they have will stop it…so where does that leave me. Where does this leave my heart? Broken…my brain is full of questions, and my body wants to give up. Should I ever get married? Should I even think about children? Should I stop working as much and just enjoy life?

BUT the real question I got to ask is to God…what DO you want me to do? Will God heal me and show Himself to people through his power?…Will He use my life to do His work…is that why he put a time limit, so I would take him seriously? I am not sure, but I do know this…even though I have a time limit…everyone does…I was just lucky enough to find mine out so I can act now and stop wasting life like it’s always gonna be there…it’s not. Who knows I might die in a car accident tomorrow…but my point is not to think about death, but to celebrate life everyday that’s one thing I never did. I complained and cried about what I couldn’t understand and why God did this or didn’t do that…be positive ask God for peace and strength and live life the best to your ability…remember no one’s perfect ask for forgiveness and the ability to do better. You never know when you will loose a chance…only thing you can do is count on God even if you think he’s not there for you or done you wrong…open your heart and trust …Pray he’ll heal you and take away your pain.

Give your life to Him before you figure out you have none left. Don’t be like me and have to get a huge kick in the butt before you start to believe or do something to change your life. DO IT NOW!!!

Stop being so self centered and selfish… I believe that God could heal me, but honestly I think I know now why God has said no to me. He has let me learn how to be tough and to have the knowledge, so I can spread the word. Hopefully people will be wise and not make foolish mistakes like me…no matter how hard it gets the only thing that ever saved me was God….the only thing that gives me real peace is his love…I believe I am supposed to use this “tragedy” to spread his word.

God’s always been a mystery and put down a lot by most people these days…but the truth is we all have tried to take control, lost sight of God, and created our own “demons” within us that could really be anything… Doubt, fear, anger, sickness, “bad luck lives”, alcohol, drugs, sex…anything.

Do not fear the unknown…accept it and love and live…love everyone with a Godly understanding and heart…… His book to find out who he really is for yourself not from you’ve heard all your life…believe he can do the impossible and hold tight to your faith!

I love everyone and I am sorry to anyone I have ever hurt…this was not intention…all I ever want is to show you the real me….who is stronger than I have let myself be!

Who knows…..I could be healed…watch my niece grow into a beautiful young lady (btw she is the best thing ever she’s definitely a gift from God), get married, have kids of my own, and grow old to have those “cool old lady hair dues”, and crazy grandkids 🙂 …but in the mean time I want to praise God and let everyone in the world know it…hopefully my disasters will bring others eternal life…and I’ll be just as happy…”